I'm not sure how to start.. It's like unbearing pain trying to let your sobs speak out from a lost soul.
Question is: How can someone so Beautiful be subsided with such an Ugly death?
Before I could react correctly I felt my thoughts go limp. SPEECHLESS to the point where my brain sent a message to the rest of my body to say Something, Anything, BUT my spirit was too heavy to speak out for me.
I stood there and watched her in that bed like I was watching paint dry. I saw her and my limbs caught insomnia while my heart got crunk off of mixed emotions. Caught in the midst of grief I tried to forget that last vision in my memories of her face. Her face resembled an artwork that was so beautiful, yet scratched by trial and error.
Why so young? Why so soon? Why her? Why? Why not a malester, or rapist, or thief, or murderer?
I now understand that its not about being selfish with life, but its about being selfish with God's purpose for your life. We should be addicted to His GRACE and willing to confess to our habbits that its not about what I like to do on this Earth, BUT its about what God wants me to do to fulfill my purpose.
You see She fulfilled her purpose just in time to leave a great seed behind to compltet her extra credit for her. She wasn't stuck like us lost ones trying to get homework done that was supposed to be completed one too many times from now. We're LATE!
It's critical that I say this, BUT we sleep too often on life and it is past-due-time to WAKE UP. It shouldn't take someone to die, fulfill their purpose and leave behind a remarkable story to tell while we're still stuck here. Still stuck here writing out our phirst page, especially when we know that we should be living out a saga of God's desires for our lives.
You see with this most prized possession that we call life we're conditioned to work on ourselves in order to help others, BUT we're also destined to help others in order to work on ourselves.
RESTATEMENT: "we work on ourselves to help others, and we help others in order to wokr on oursleves."
Just listening to God's request and allowing him to begin to have a relationship with you can very well be the poisen to our unbearing pain.
The unbearing pain was not eating away at my heart because of the way she died, BUT the unbearing pain was so heavy because she set such a great example fr us "common people" to follow and its seemed to have still leave some of us catching insomnia on God's message. See if we read between the lines more often we'll find inlife that : We face unbearing pain because we don't listen, We...unbearing pain because we don't listen, We...pain because we don't listen, We...because we don't listen, We...don't listen!
Peace, Love, & Music,
AngeliK hAlo
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